You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
