How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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