The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
