Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
