If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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