Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
