ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
