I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that