Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.