Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
