its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone