I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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