i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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