i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
