he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
