i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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