i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
