I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
