she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
