I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The Olympian is in my bed
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