i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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