Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
