where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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