they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Damn victory sex feels great
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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