five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
