ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
