well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
