Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
