sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
