Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
