I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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