I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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