Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
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