Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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