she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
