The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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