Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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