dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
