You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
