i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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