The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
