My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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