Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
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I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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