i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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