please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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