How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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