you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
