I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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