If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
