something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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