I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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