He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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