idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
