I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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