ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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