Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
