I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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