I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
