I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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