last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
