Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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