I seem to have left my pride at pride
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
