I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
