Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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