theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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