i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
