Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
