Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So many bounce houses so little time
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
