Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
