dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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