but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
