I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
wow bdsm is so cute
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
