I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
